Ask A Therapist: How To Cope With Loneliness
Everyone gets lonely from time to time.
Loneliness is a painful but common part of the human experience. It’s something everyone feels, regardless of how many friends or followers they have, how famous they are, or how much money they have.
Today, I’m sharing my responses to some of the most frequent questions I get about loneliness. (This post is based on a recent conversation I had with SHAPE on the same topic.)
What is Loneliness and how does it compare to solitude?
Loneliness isn’t really about a lack of people.
It’s the feeling of being alone due to a lack of feeling seen, heard, accepted, understood, or known.
Solitude is the experience of being in one’s own company - or the absence of others’ presence. Perhaps surprisingly, the experience of solitude doesn’t always lead to the feeling of loneliness.
What are the physical, mental, emotional, and health impacts of loneliness?
Loneliness is a painful but common part of the human experience. Prolonged loneliness without hope of relief can have significant impacts on health physically, mentally, and emotionally. To name a few, loneliness is associated with heart disease, a weakened immune system, poor sleep, anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts. Research suggests that loneliness is associated with premature mortality (earlier age of death.) Shockingly, some research suggests that loneliness is just as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
What causes feelings of loneliness? Can you talk about the pandemic and other factors not related to COVID-19/quarantine?
We feel lonely when our longing for being seen, heard, accepted, understood, or known by others is neglected for too long. During the pandemic many people experienced feeling burnt out due to over-communication (too many zoom calls, meetings, etc.) but still felt lonely due to a lack of physical presence and emotional connection.
There are statistics that 79 percent of Gen Zers feel lonely, putting them above millennials and boomers. Why do you think that is?/What do you think are the impacts of social media and loneliness?
In my practice I’ve observed an increasing number of people (especially Gen Zers) sharing deep feelings of loneliness. They experience anxiety in social situations despite a heartfelt desire for more friends. Two big factors are 1) less social competence due to reduced time spent socializing in-person and 2) drastic increases in screen time, largely due to social media. Social media also tends to create feelings of “FOMO” or fear of missing out, and unrealistic comparison which makes people feel more insecure.
Are there ways to prevent loneliness?
Loneliness is a feeling that’s an inescapable part of the human experience. However, there are things you can do to manage your feelings of loneliness.
What are some ways to overcome feelings of loneliness?
Managing feelings of loneliness is different for every individual because we all experience loneliness for different reasons.
To help reduce loneliness, it’s beneficial to regularly be in places where you can practice being vulnerable. The great news is, this doesn’t have to be painful or difficult - the easiest way to start is by doing things you love with other people on a regular basis. This could be dancing, painting, or even video games. Just make sure there’s a chance to connect outside of the activity of choice and get to know one another. Over time, find some people you can trust to share your more painful, messy, or difficult experiences with.
Another way to cope with loneliness is to be of service to others. This could include volunteering your time to a cause you care about, such as a food shelter or a beach clean up.
Support groups are also a powerful way to feel less alone by bonding with others who may be going through similar trials as you.
When should you seek professional help for loneliness?
Most people make the mistake of waiting until the problem is really bad before seeking professional help. This is the emotional equivalent of going to the emergency room for a heart attack. What’s more effective for our health than going to the hospital in an emergency is to do regular check-ups and have preventative care. Seeing a therapist when things aren’t severe is an effective way to work on making desired changes. Therapy is great “preventative care” for the emotional well-being of your heart and mind.
For more, check out my video where I share simple tips on how to cope with feelings of loneliness so you can start to feel better!
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