Let’s Talk About Loneliness
Loneliness - it’s something everyone experiences from time to time, no matter who you are or where you’re from. But what is loneliness, really? And how is it different from things like solitude?
When you’re feeling lonely, getting through it can seem like an uphill battle. Recently I spoke with Shape to take a closer look at loneliness and how to manage the times when we inevitably feel lonely.
Below, are my responses to some of the most frequently asked questions about loneliness. You can also check out the full article at Shape.
What is loneliness and how does it compare to solitude?
Loneliness isn’t really about a lack of people. It’s the feeling of being alone due to a lack of feeling seen, heard, accepted, understood, or known.
Solitude is the experience of being in one’s own company - or the absence of others’ presence. Perhaps surprisingly, the experience of solitude doesn’t always lead to the feeling of loneliness.
What are the physical, mental, emotional, and health impacts of loneliness?
Loneliness is a painful but common part of the human experience. Prolonged loneliness without hope of relief can have significant impacts on health physically, mentally, and emotionally. To name a few, loneliness is associated with heart disease, a weakened immune system, poor sleep, anxiety, depression, and even suicidal thoughts.
Research suggests that loneliness is associated with premature mortality (earlier age of death.) Shockingly, some research suggests that loneliness is just as deadly as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.
What causes feelings of loneliness?
We feel lonely when our longing for being seen, heard, accepted, understood, or known by others is neglected for too long. During the pandemic many people experienced feeling burnt out due to over communication (too many zoom calls, meetings, etc.) but still felt lonely due to a lack of physical presence and emotional connection.
Why are so many Gen Zers feeling lonely? How does social media impact loneliness?
In my practice I’ve observed an increasing number of people (especially Gen Zers) sharing deep feelings of loneliness.
They experience anxiety in social situations despite a heartfelt desire for more friends. Two big factors are 1) less social competence due to reduced time spent socializing in-person and 2) drastic increases in screen time, largely due to social media. Social media also tends to create feelings of “FOMO” or fear of missing out, and unrealistic comparison which makes people feel more insecure.
What are some ways to overcome feelings of loneliness?
Managing feelings of loneliness is different for every individual because we all experience loneliness for difference reasons.
To help reduce loneliness, it’s beneficial to regularly be in places where you can practice being vulnerable. The great news is, this doesn’t have to be painful or difficult - the easiest way to start is by doing things you love with other people on a regular basis. This could be dancing, painting, or even video games. Just make sure there’s a chance to connect outside of the activity of choice and get to know one another. Over time, find some people you can trust to share your more painful, messy, or difficult experiences with.
Another way to cope with loneliness is to be of service to others. This could include volunteering your time to a cause you care about, such as a food shelter or a beach clean up.
Support groups are also a powerful way to feel less alone by bonding with others who may be going through similar trials as you.
Are there ways to prevent loneliness?
Loneliness is a feeling that’s an inescapable part of the human experience. However, there are things you can do to manage your feelings of loneliness. (see above)
When should you seek professional help for loneliness?
Most people make the mistake of waiting until the problem is really bad before seeking professional help.
This is the emotional equivalent of going to the emergency room for a heart attack. What’s more effective for our health than going to the hospital in an emergency is to do regular check-ups and have preventative care. Seeing a therapist when things aren’t severe is an effective way to work on making desired changes.
Therapy is great “preventative care” for the emotional wellbeing of your heart and mind.
BTW, my mission is help people love their lives so they never want to leave them.
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