The Art of Building Authentic Friendships: 3 Strategies You May Be Overlooking, From a Psychologist
We all know that famous song by Barbara Streisand,
"People who need people are the luckiest people in the world." And it's true, human connection is an essential aspect of our well-being, and having friends can bring immense joy and fulfillment to our lives. If you’re ever wished you had friends or felt the pang of loneliness, you know exactly how valuable it is to have people to share life with and lean on when times get tough.
As a psychologist who deeply understands the significance of social connections, I want to share three often-overlooked strategies for making friends. Whether you're starting a new chapter in life or simply looking to expand your social circle, these tips will help you build meaningful friendships that can last a lifetime.
Tip 1: Consistency is Key - Be a Regular Presence
Friendships are like plants; they need time to grow and flourish. Often, it's not just about meeting new people but also about being present in the right places regularly. You might be desperate for buddies, but trying to become someone's best friend the instant you meet them may come across more intensely than you intend. Instead, try being a familiar face in places where you share common interests with others so friendships have an opportunity to develop more naturally.
Challenge yourself to show up regularly at places like a local bookstore, a coffee shop, a yoga studio, or even a local park. Aim to visit these spots 3-5 times a week at the same day and time to increase the chances of running into the same people repeatedly.
If you’re like me, perhaps you’d prefer to try a different coffee shop or workout class everyday - which is GREAT for satisfying a need for exploration, but not so helpful when it comes to forming friendships. So stay focused and give this a try for at least 2-3 weeks. The more you frequent these places, the higher the chances of running into the same people over and over again.
Remember to look up from your laptop, book, or phone every now and then or take a break so that you can see who’s around you and perhaps smile or say hi to any familiar-ish faces.
Familiarity breeds comfort, so these small but meaningful interactions lay the foundation for friendship and pave the way for deeper connections.
Tip 2: Seek Socializing Opportunities
While being a regular presence is essential, it's equally crucial to choose environments that encourage socialization and interaction. Visiting places like the bank or post office every day might not offer much chance for chit-chat, as people usually have specific tasks to complete and want to get in and out quickly. Instead, seek out activities and places that allow for genuine social interaction.
Join clubs, group classes, or community organizations where you share common interests with others. Engaging in activities together provides a built-in topic of conversation and a relaxed setting for getting to know each other. Whether it's a dance class, a cooking class, or a volunteering opportunity, these environments foster genuine connections. Instead of running out to your car as soon as the activity is done, move a bit more slowly and take advantage of the opportunity to get to know someone better.
And relax - you don’t have to be Oprah and ask the most unique or interesting question to get to know someone. Take the initiative by asking simple connection-sparking questions before, during, and after these activities.
Keep it simple, try:
-How long have you been coming here?
-Do you live in the neighborhood too?
-Have you tried any other yoga/dance/karate studios in town?
Allow your curiosity to guide you. You’ll not only learn something interesting about a new person in your life, but your genuine interest can make someone’s day as you help them feel seen and heard.
Tip 3: Take the Initiative - Plan Follow-Up Activities
Making friends isn't just about the initial encounter; it requires effort and follow-through. If you've had a great conversation with someone interesting, don't hesitate to take the initiative and set up a follow-up activity. Invite them for a coffee, a walk in the park, or any other activity that aligns with your shared interests. I can’t tell you how many times people have told me that they struggle to find friends, only to find out that they’ve never initiated a hang out, ever. Please don’t let this be you!
Taking the friendship outside of the environment where you first met allows for more meaningful conversations and a chance to deepen your connection. It also shows that you are genuinely interested in getting to know the other person beyond the first encounter.
Remember, building friendships takes time, and not every interaction will lead to a lifelong connection. Notice who you gravitate toward, but also be open to getting to know people who might not seem an obvious match initially. Be patient with the process, and don't be discouraged if some attempts don't lead to lasting friendships. Friendships, like any meaningful relationship, require mutual effort, understanding, and a genuine connection.
As a psychologist, I've witnessed the profound impact of strong social connections on overall well-being. Making friends is an art that involves showing up regularly, engaging in interactive environments, and taking the initiative to nurture connections beyond the initial encounter.
By embracing these strategies, you can create meaningful friendships that enrich your life and provide a sense of belonging. Remember that friendships are a two-way street, so be open, authentic, and willing to invest time and effort into building and maintaining these valuable connections.
So go out there, explore new environments, and seize the opportunity to make friends not just for a reason or a season but for a lifetime. Remember, the journey of friendship is unique for each of us, and it's never too late to make new friends.
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