5 Ways You Can Look out for Loved Ones During The Holidays

Holiday gatherings and events can trigger anxiety, loneliness, depression, or grief for many of us. If you know someone who isn't ok right now during what is supposed to be a time of celebration and joy for many, here are 5 ways you can be helpful (and not harmful).

1. Respect their boundaries.

If someone you care about is feeling down, don’t force them to do something they aren’t up for. If they say “no” to joining you for a drink or joining the family to open presents, don’t press them - it can make them feel worse than they already do.

Instead, a gentle reminder to release the need to be a problem solver if they aren’t up for joining in on holiday plans.

2. Speak up when people are trying to push your loved ones' boundaries.

If you notice a struggling loved one is getting pressured to do holidays things they don't want to do by family members or loved ones, speak up. Don't let them get harassed, even if it's by well meaning people. If you see this happening, try saying something like, “Hey everyone, they said they don't want to participate, please respect their wishes and stop trying to change their mind.”

3. Be specific when you offer support.

If you notice that it seems like someone is struggling with feeling down this time of year, ask them how they are doing and if they want to talk. Instead of offering the generic “If you need anything let me know” try saying “Could I bring you dinner, or give you some company so you don't feel so alone?"

4. Encourage them to practice self-care.

If you’re hosting a holiday gathering and you notice a loved one struggling to stay present, offer them a space (like a more secluded area) to take breaks, breathe, and do whatever is helpful and restoring for them.

Be supportive-don't protest- when they say no to plans. (sometimes it will be hard for them to say what they actually want unless you reassure them it’s safe to do so.)⁠

5. Acknowledge what may be especially difficult about the holidays.

Don’t be in denial about the obvious issues that come up for so many people this time of year, like grieving a breakup, or the death of a loved one, for example. You can speak to the elephant in the room in a loving way and empower them to express what they may need. For example, you could say something like:

“Hey, I know this Christmas might be hard because of (obvious reason), and I want you to know I’m here if you ever want to talk or just get some fresh air. I really care about you and hope you are doing ok."

A little empathy goes a long way, so instead of trying to help others in ways that make YOU feel better, try to say things that actually help THEM instead.