Okay, real talk—have you ever been having the *best* time, only for a little voice in your head to whisper, *You should be doing something productive*? Or maybe you’re mid-laugh with friends when suddenly, a wave of guilt crashes in, making you feel like you don’t *deserve* to be this happy? If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

I remember being a freshman at Berkeley, surrounded by so many fun opportunities - football games, choir shows, sorority & fraternity mixers - and feeling like it was all silly if it didn’t get me closer to my degrees. The Asian Eldest Daughter in me knew how to get straight As and sign up for things that would look good on a college application, but she truly didn’t have much of a clue how to let loose, enjoy her college experience, and most importantly, make memories. It’s not that I had zero fun in college, but let’s just say that I definitely got in the way of the joy that was available to me because I didn’t see it as important.

We live in a world that glorifies being busy and treats joy like a luxury instead of a necessity. We’ve been conditioned to believe that fun is something we have to earn—as if we need to check off enough to-dos, hustle hard enough, or prove our worth before we can just be. But here’s the truth: fun is not frivolous. It’s fuel. And if guilt is stealing your joy, it’s time to change the narrative.

Why We Feel Guilty About Having Fun

1. The Productivity Guilt Trap

Somewhere along the way, we started measuring our worth by how much we do. If we’re not working, cleaning, parenting, side-hustling, or grinding in some way, we feel like we’re wasting time. The irony? Rest and fun actually make us more productive, not less. But because society worships the hustle, taking time to enjoy life can feel...wrong.

2. People-Pleasing and “Good Person Syndrome”

If you grew up being praised for being helpful, reliable, or the responsible one, having fun might feel selfish. Maybe you’ve internalized the idea that your job is to take care of everyone else first—and only after that (if there’s time left over), you might get to enjoy yourself. Spoiler: there’s never time left over.

3. Anxiety and the Fear of “The Other Shoe Dropping”

Ever have one of those moments where you’re genuinely happy, only to immediately think, Something bad is probably about to happen? When life has thrown challenges your way, joy can feel like a trap—like the moment you let your guard down, disaster will strike. But the reality is, worrying almost never prevents bad things. It just steals the good ones.

4. Cultural & Family Messages

Depending on how you were raised, you may have gotten the message that fun is lazy, immature, or unnecessary. Maybe your parents were constantly working, or maybe joy just wasn’t prioritized in your household. If you grew up believing that hard work = worthiness, then slowing down can feel uncomfortable, even if you want to.

5. Survivor’s Guilt & The Weight of the World

If you’ve been through loss, trauma, or hardship (or even if you just stay up-to-date with world news), it can feel wrong to be happy when so many people are suffering. But here’s the thing: your joy doesn’t take away from anyone else’s. In fact, the more we embrace joy, the more we have to give—to our communities, our relationships, and the causes we care about.

How to Stop Feeling Guilty About Having Fun

1. Reframe Fun as Essential (Because It Is!)

Fun isn’t a reward you have to earn—it’s a basic human need. Research shows that play and leisure reduce stress, boost creativity, and improve mental health. So next time guilt creeps in, remind yourself: fun isn’t an indulgence, it’s fuel for a life well-lived.

2. Challenge the Guilt (Literally, Call It Out)

When that little guilt gremlin pops up, ask yourself:

Would I judge someone else for this?
What am I afraid will happen if I enjoy myself?
Who taught me that fun has to be deserved?

Most of the time, guilt is just an old script we’ve outgrown. You’re allowed to rewrite it.

3. Start With Tiny Acts of Joy

You don’t have to book a month-long luxury vacation to start embracing fun. Sing in the car, dance in your kitchen, get yourself the chocolate croissant. Get used to enjoying yourself in small ways without apologizing for it.

4. Surround Yourself With Joyful People

If you’re constantly around people who glorify stress and exhaustion (“Ugh, I barely slept last night—so busy!”), it’s easy to feel guilty for resting. Seek out those who value balance, play, and presence—because joy is contagious.

5. Let Go of the Need to “Optimize” Fun

Not everything has to be productive. You don’t have to “earn” your Netflix night, your midday walk, or your hobbies. You’re allowed to do things just because they feel good. Period.

6. Embrace the Fact That Joy is Resistance

In a world that tells us to grind harder, do more, and prove our worth, choosing joy is actually an act of defiance. It’s a radical reminder that we are human beings, not just human doings.

You Deserve to Enjoy Your Life

At the end of the day, your life is happening right now. Not after the next deadline. Not when everything is perfectly in order. Not when you’ve “earned” it.

So laugh. Play. Dance. And make those memories. You don’t need permission, and I assure you - the feelings of guilt are completely optional.

Why We Feel Guilty About Having Fun (And How to Fix That)