Ditch Perfection, Embrace Connection: The Joy of Cooking for Community

I’ve been event planning since I was in college. It started with progressive dinners: 3 course meals where guests would start at sorority A for appetizers, move to sorority B for mains, and ended up at sorority C for dessert. Then while I was in grad school, I’d host backyard parties where we’d project Guitar Hero onto a 2-story wall and serve cans of beer in huge ice-filled buckets. Later on during my time working in ministry, I’d plan potlucks and conference lunches for upwards of 1000 people, and on more than one occasion even helped with planning weddings.

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed, it's that there’s something undeniably special about the connections we make around sharing food. Food has a way of bringing people together, breaking down walls, and creating an atmosphere where real conversations and friendships can grow. Whether it’s a simple pizza night or a more elaborate meal, I’ve always found that the connections we form over food run especially deep.

We often hear about trauma bonding creating close connections, but I’m a firm believer in the power of "food bonding." Sharing good food can be just as powerful in facilitating deep connection, and luckily it’s way more delicious!

I have always loved hosting, but I know for many people, hosting can feel like an actual nightmare. Maybe you worry that your cooking skills aren’t up to par, or that your home won’t be picture-perfect. But trust me, I’ve been there, and here’s the truth: hosting isn’t about perfection, it’s about creating a space for people to connect. 

It’s not about impressing people with a fancy spread. When you share a meal with others, it taps into something primal—there’s a reason “rest and digest” mode sits opposite our survival-oriented “fight or flight” mode. Eating together helps lower our defenses, allowing us to relax and open up. Whether it’s homemade lasagna or takeout pizza, it’s the act of gathering around the table that matters most. So if you’re feeling nervous about hosting, start small. You could invite friends over for a games night with snacks or host a casual pizza night.

Here are some tips to help you bring people together and enjoy the process:

1. The quality of the meal doesn’t matter, connection does.
   Humble meals like soup or pasta are just as powerful in bringing people together as gourmet dishes. Focus on the gathering, not the menu. Start small—a pizza night, a potluck, or even a simple coffee and dessert get-together. People will remember the time spent together, not the quality of the soufflé.

2. Perfection isn’t the key.
   I’ve found that the times I focused too much on being the “perfect host” were less fun for both me and my guests. Stressing out about the turkey coming out at exactly the right time or having perfect intricate garnishes just isn’t it. The best gatherings are where you can be yourself—flaws, spills, and all. People aren’t looking for flawless presentations; they’re looking for connection, laughter, and good conversation. So don’t sweat it if everything isn’t perfect.

3. Do something that excites YOU.
   Whether that’s trying a new recipe, decorating your table, or setting up a cozy vibe, pick an aspect of the gathering that gets you excited. Your enthusiasm will be contagious, and it will make the experience more enjoyable for everyone.

4. Encourage others to contribute.
   A potluck is a great way to take the pressure off hosting. Let everyone bring a dish to share—this not only lightens your load but also gives people a sense of participation. Plus, it’s fun to try everyone’s favorite recipes!

5. Keep it simple.
   Overcomplicating the menu or the décor can lead to stress. Stick to a few tried-and-true dishes, or make something you can prepare ahead of time so you’re not scrambling last minute. Remember, the goal is connection, not impressing anyone.

The beauty of hosting is that it’s an act of service that invites joy, community, and connection into your life. You don’t have to wait for the perfect moment or feel like everything has to be just right. Sometimes the most memorable gatherings are the imperfect ones—where the conversation flows, people laugh, and everyone leaves feeling just a little more connected.

So go ahead, take the leap, and invite people into your space. You might just find that the joy of “food bonding” is one of the best ways to build meaningful connections.

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BTW, my mission is help people love their lives so they never want to leave them.

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