Do You Ever Really “Get Over” a Relationship?
If you’ve ever had your heart broken, you’ll get it when I say it’s one of the most profound and challenging forms of grief. It’s not something you simply “get over” like flipping a switch. As a therapist who’s experienced heartache myself, I look back on those times as some of the hardest I’ve ever been through in my life.
As the character Raymond Reddington from The Blacklist so poignantly described, with grief, "There is nothing that can take the pain away. But eventually, you will find a way to live with it. There will be nightmares. And every day when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day it will be the second thing."
There’s a reason why the end of a relationship can feel so overwhelming. Research has shown that the brain’s response to heartbreak is similar to withdrawal from addiction. The same areas of the brain that are activated when a person experiences physical pain or has an addiction craving are also triggered during the emotional pain of a breakup. This is why it can feel all-consuming and SO PAINFUL at first.
Just like in recovery from addiction, the initial stages are often the hardest. Your brain is trying to make sense of a new reality without the person who was once a significant part of your life. If you or someone you care about is facing heartache, here are some ideas that may help.
6 Tips for Healing After a Breakup
1. Allow Yourself to Grieve: Give yourself permission to feel all the emotions that come with the end of a relationship. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, confused, or even relieved. Grieving is a necessary part of the healing process. Don’t rush it.
2. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who care about you. Whether it’s friends, family, or a therapist, having a support system can make a world of difference. Talking about your feelings can help you process them more effectively.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: It’s easy to fall into the trap of self-blame after a breakup. Remember to be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would offer a close friend who’s going through a hard time.
4. Focus on Self-Care: Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in activities that make you feel good, whether it’s exercising, journaling, or simply taking a relaxing bath. Nurturing yourself is crucial during this time.
5. Rediscover Your Passions: Use this time to reconnect with activities and hobbies that bring you joy. Focusing on things you love can help you rebuild your sense of self outside of the relationship.
6. Embrace the Future: It’s important to acknowledge the past, but don’t lose sight of the future. Allow yourself to dream about what comes next. Setting new goals and exploring new possibilities can help you create a fulfilling life moving forward.
Heartbreak is never easy, and everyone’s experience of it is unique.
As you continue on this journey, be gentle with yourself. Healing takes time, but it will happen. Trust in the process and in your own ability to create a life full of joy, love, and meaning once again.
BTW, my mission is help people love their lives so they never want to leave them.
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