How I Resist the Urge to Tell People to Go F*ck Themselves: Part 3 - Keeping Composure During Heated Political Discussions
In our third and final installment of “How I Resist the Urge to Tell People to Go F*ck Themselves,” we’re talking about how to handle a specific type of tough situation: tense discussions about world events.
Let’s face it, talking politics these days feels like navigating a minefield. It seems no matter what you say, you’re bound to upset someone. People have very little tolerance for disagreement, and we’ve all seen the rise of cancel culture where anyone with a differing opinion gets swiftly dismissed. It’s tough to be a person when it feels like others are just looking for a fight.
I have strong political opinions and care deeply about social justice, but I don’t always feel like airing my views on social media is the most productive way to make a difference. I’ve found that sometimes staying silent, or amplifying the trusted voices of others, is more powerful than shouting into the void.
Can anyone relate? If you’re like me and struggling with how to navigate these tricky waters, here are some tips to help you keep your cool during heated political discussions.
1. Know Your Goals
Before jumping into a discussion about a polarizing topic, ask yourself what you hope to achieve. Are you looking to educate, to understand, or to prove just how right you are? Knowing your goal can help you stay focused and avoid getting dragged into an unproductive argument.
💡 Tip: If your goal is to educate, prepare to share facts calmly and respectfully. If you’re seeking understanding, be ready to listen more than you speak. Clarifying your intentions can keep the conversation on track.
2. Practice Active Listening
One of the best ways to keep your composure is by genuinely listening to the other person. This doesn’t mean you have to agree, but it does mean showing respect and trying to understand their perspective.
💡 Tip: Use phrases like “I see where you’re coming from” or “That’s an interesting point” to acknowledge their views without necessarily endorsing them. Active listening can diffuse tension and build mutual respect.
3. Set Boundaries
It’s okay to set boundaries for political discussions, especially if you know they’re likely to get heated. You have the right to protect your mental well-being.
💡 Tip: Politely but firmly say, “I’d rather not discuss this topic,” or “I think we’ve reached a point where it’s best we disengage from the conversation.” Setting boundaries can prevent escalation and preserve relationships.
4. Avoid Personal Attacks & Black & White Thinking
Stick to discussing ideas and policies, not personalities. Once the discussion becomes personal, it’s easy to lose your cool. It’s tempting to villainize someone who has a different POV, but it fails to acknowledge that you’re speaking to a whole person with their own set of experiences and a nuanced perspective. People aren’t usually completely good, nor are they completely evil, and it’s dehumanizing to see people in such black and white ways.
💡Tip: If the conversation veers into personal territory, steer it back by saying, “Let’s focus on the issue.” Keeping the discussion idea-centered can foster a more productive dialogue.
5. Know When to Walk Away
Sometimes, the best way to keep your composure is to simply exit the conversation. If things get too heated, it’s perfectly fine to bow out gracefully.
💡 Tip: Use an exit line like, “I think we should agree to disagree,” or “Let’s revisit this topic another time.” Knowing when to walk away can save your energy and maintain your peace.
A Few Important Things to Keep In Mind
➡️ It’s okay to be uncertain. It’s perfectly okay to still be making up your mind about how you feel. Global issues are often complex and multifaceted, and it’s normal (and healthy) to need time to form a solid opinion. Don’t let anyone pressure you into taking a stand before you’re ready.
➡️ Freezing up is a natural response. Freezing up in a tense situation is a common response and doesn’t make you a bad person or mean you don’t care. In fact, freezing often indicates that you care deeply and are trying to process your thoughts and emotions before reacting. Give yourself grace in these moments.
➡️ Choose your battles. In today’s climate, there’s a lot of pressure to take a public stand on political issues. While it’s important to speak out on matters of social justice, it’s also important to choose your battles wisely. Not every platform or moment is the right one to voice your opinion.
➡️ Social media can get complicated. Social media can amplify your voice, but it can also oversimplify complex issues and foster toxic groupthink. Before you post, consider whether your message will contribute to meaningful dialogue or just add to the noise.
💡 Tip: Use social media to share informative content or support causes you believe in, but avoid engaging in debates that are likely to turn nasty.
➡️ Engage in real conversations. Face-to-face or private conversations can be more effective for discussing sensitive topics than commenting on facebook or speaking to the hordes of people on the internet. In person conversations allow for more nuance and understanding.
💡 Tip: Invite friends or family for a coffee and have a respectful, in-depth conversation, which can hopefully lead to deeper understanding.
➡️ Talking about things we disagree on doesn’t have to end in a shouting match. With any luck, these tips can help you keep your composure even in the most heated discussions.
What other tips would you add? Let me know by writing in the comments below
Stay calm and carry on, friends. 🌟