How to cope when your mental health is unpredictable
Around the time I hit puberty, it felt like overnight my hair went from predictably straight(ish) hair to frizzy poofy wavy hair that I had no idea how to care for. It didn’t help that no one in my family had similar hair to mine.
There were entire years of my life where I wore my hair pulled back in a dowdy bun or low ponytail because I had no clue what else to do. This was NOT sleek and sophisticated pageant contestant hair. I kid you not, this was full on Paul Revere.
To this day, well into my early 40s, I am still figuring out that perfect way to care for my hair. It turns out that my hair is curly and learning how to style curly hair isn’t easy. If you know about concepts like “plopping” “scrunching” and “raking” then it’s likely you’ve also known the joys and sorrows of having curly hair.
I thought I would have this figured out by now, but NOPE.
Hair is a JOURNEY, isn’t it?
Some days you might wake up and your hair decides it’s a different texture.
Some days your hair refuses to look as good as it did yesterday even though you styled it exactly the same.
Some days your hair will do exactly the opposite of what you want it to do.
Caring for your mental health is a lot like caring for your hair.
As much as I wish it weren’t, hair is unpredictable and constantly changing. And caring for our mental health is exactly the same.
It can take longer than you wish it would to feel like you know what to do to properly care for it
You can spend a ton of money testing out different products and solutions, with no guarantee that they’ll work.
Sometimes your family has no idea how to help.
What works great one day may not the next because there are external factors that can impact you, like the weather
One day the perfect medicine will be a long walk, another day it will be a good friend, another day it will be a taco eaten in silence in your car.
If you expect things to be completely predictable on your mental health journey, you will be frustrated and disappointed.
Here are 9 ideas for how to cope with the unpredictable nature of mental health:
When it comes to mental health, learn to roll with the changes. Be adaptable. Let go of the expectation that anything in life, including your mental health journey, should be predictable. Release any belief that a happy life is a predictable life. It’s not.
See things in “seasons” or “chapters.” Learn what is working for you in this season - but also embrace that you may need something different to optimize your wellbeing in the next season.
What works for others may not work for you. What works for you may not work for others. Mental health is unique to every individual so it’s important to find the tools and path that works best for you.
Consistency helps. When you can be as consistent with your self-care habits on a daily basis as possible, it can help to minimize the disruptions that can be caused by the unpredictable elements.
Seek professional help. It’s a strength, not a weakness. Just like you’d consult with a professional hairstylist if you needed help with your hair, seeing a therapist to support you on your mental health journey is a wise move that’s likely to make your life a lot easier.
Look at the bigger picture. Hair isn’t just about hair, it’s impacted by your whole human experience including what you eat, what products you use, and even your stress levels. Similarly, mental health isn’t just about your mind, it’s also about physical movement, sleep, nutrition, and stress management.
Learn to pay attention to what makes a difference, and make small tweaks. Instead of reinventing your mental health strategy from top to bottom when something goes wrong, try making one or two small adjustments at a time and observe any changes. For example, try adding in one new change - like going to bed earlier, or taking a 15 min walk in the morning.
Be patient - things take time. Care for your mental health the way you’d care for a good friend’s mental health. Give yourself permission to tap into more self-compassion and patience than you think you need.
Find other people who can relate to your mental health journey so you don’t feel so alone. It can be so comforting when you’re going through something and someone else says “I’ve been there too.”
Caring for your mental health is an invitation to be constantly evolving, learning and growing to understand what you need at this moment. You can resent your mind for needing tending or you can learn to accept the process as a part of simply being human.
By the way, for the first time in months I have one space that opened up in my private practice. If you’d like to work with me, get in touch here and let me know what you’d like to talk about in therapy. I’d love to speak with you!
BTW, my mission is help people love their lives so they never want to leave them.
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