It's ok to be a little bit scared
Like many of you, I’m in a torrid love affair with travel.
Every social media account I have is bogged down with folders of what to see, eat, and do in my next 25 dream destinations.
While getting me to share on social media is often like pulling teeth, when I’m on a trip I become a pretend food and travel influencer and take great pains to catalog every meal, every beautiful vista, every beautiful smile I encounter.
But something I don’t talk about nearly enough and that travel influencers hardly acknowledge is the fear. When I’m traveling, I’m usually solo. And though I do believe I am confident as a 40-something woman who has some hard-earned wisdom in this life, I still deal with feelings of fear around every corner.
Whether it’s being a first time visitor to a new destination, or walking down a dark alley in search of a cool bar someone mentioned, or saying hello to strangers, or not speaking the language, I regularly feel afraid.
It’s not something you would necessarily see if you’re following me on social media.
Today I’m in Chiang Mai, Thailand and it happened again.
A few friends enthusiastically recommended a legendary spot to get a local noodle dish called “Khao Soi” and said it couldn’t be missed. If you know me I do not take these types of suggestions lightly, so I was determined to taste what sounds like a bowl of pure heaven.
I managed to find my way down a narrow rural road and walked up to what felt like the front porch of someone’s house. The tables were full of people slurping up delicious burnt orange noodles the color of sunset so I figured it was probably the right place. Like a cowboy walking into a saloon of an obscure wild west town, it felt like everyone turned to stare at me for a brief moment, and I questioned every fiber of my being to if I belonged there.
After a brief pause, everyone returned to what they were doing and no one acknowledged me. I sheepishly walked up to the kitchen and smiled - and asked (with my eyes and pointing mostly) if I could sit at the table. A brusque nod of agreement. I sit. Awkwardly look around and see a paper checklist with the menu where I am guessing I write down my order like at a sushi bar. I make my selections. Sit there awkwardly with my paper. Someone walks over and grabs the paper. I’ve decided I’ve met the most un-smiley people in all of Thailand which is really something bc people are SO nice here.
I glance around the room at people trying to study how I’m supposed to do this. Another few minutes later and another lady with little gentleness shoves (yes shoves is the only word that describes it) of a bowl of noodles and a side dish of some pickled greens and onions. Me, realizing I have no idea how to eat this dish, quickly googling “How to eat Khao Soi”: I learn that you add in the side dishes to get the flavor to your desired sourness level. I take a breath, and inhale the tender chicken, slightly spicy slightly sweet coconut curry sauce, and the bouncy soft and crispy fried noodles and experience noodle bliss.
If I’d let my fearful thoughts win, I could have turned around at any moment and no one would know. But I didn’t fly all the way out here to NOT eat the delicious local things and stay small.
And maybe there’s something in your life that brings up baby blips of fear. Not the haunted house blood curdling scream kind of fear, but like the awkward, uncomfortable, second-guessing yourself type of fear.
Here’s what I’ve learned about how to manage feelings of fear:
Recognise that it’s normal.
There’s nothing wrong with you when you feel afraid. Fear is your brain’s way of trying to keep you safe, that’s all. And ultimately you can be the boss of your brain. Like a yappy scared little dog howling at the wind, you can tell it to chill. It’s just the wind, nothing to be afraid of.
Recognise that being “a little bit scared” is the sweet spot for adventures.
Adventures rarely if ever happen when we’re cuddled up all cozy in bed, or with the same people, or stay in the same places. Being scared means you’re not in the familiar. It means you’re being challenged and challenge is good because it means you’re growing.
Wherever I go, I carry kind, humble energy:
I smile, I make eye contact, I’m humble, I say thank you, I apologize if I’m asking a silly question I should know the answer to. In short, I behave like a good guest would. And you know what, no one has ever been mean to me when I carry “I’m just happy to be here” kind smiling humble energy. I’ve learned that most people want to help, so don’t be scared to ask for help.
It’s almost never ever as bad as we fear it will be.
In the case of the Khao
Soi noodle spot, no one laughed at me, I didn’t get yelled at or told off. Sure, they were a little “rough around the edges” when it came to the customer service side of the experience, but ultimately, I just enjoyed a delicious bowl of noodles I’d never tried before and it was great.I use my anxiety to my advantage.
I’ll research a bit ahead of time, try to get the lay of the land for new places. A few minutes of research can really help me feel equipped walking into a new situation and allay fears that I’ll make a fool of myself.
I’ve already decided that tomorrow, I’m going back to the Khao Soi spot for another bowl, this time with a little more confidence. What’s something you’re feeling a little scared to do?
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