Do you say this ONE super cringey thing?
It's not easy to navigate how to support someone going through a tough time.
We often want to offer help but may not know the right thing to say or do. That's where the classic and wildly popular phrase, "Let me know if you need anything," comes in. When I hear it, it virtually makes me twitch. And listen, I know It’s something said by the most lovely, most well-intentioned people out there. It’s something I used to say all the time too. And while it's well-intentioned, there are a few reasons why it falls short when it comes to truly supporting someone in need.
First, it puts the burden on the person going through difficulty to have to think of what they need and then ask for it.
This can be incredibly challenging, especially during times of hardship when even the simplest tasks can feel overwhelming. Imagine someone grappling with the aftermath of a divorce or a loss – their mental and emotional bandwidth may be stretched thin, making it difficult for them to articulate their needs.
Secondly, the phrase comes from a place of emotional distance.
It's understandable that we may feel uncomfortable or unsure of how to respond to someone's suffering. In an attempt to avoid saying the wrong thing, we default to a phrase that feels safe and familiar. However, this emotional distance can make a person feel unheard or unsupported.
Lastly, "Let me know if you need anything" is often perceived as low effort.
It's a generic offer of help that doesn't require much thought or action on our part. While we may genuinely care about the person, this phrase doesn't convey the depth of our concern or willingness to help.“Let me know if you need anything” sort of communicates that you want to show you care without really doing the heavy lifting behind it.
So, what can we say or do instead? Here are some alternatives:
Offer specific forms of assistance, such as sending dinner, making a donation in their loved one's honor, or providing a gift certificate for a spa day.
Express genuine empathy and availability by saying, "This really sucks. If you need someone to talk to or just be with, I'm here for you."
Make concrete plans to spend time together, whether it's watching a movie, playing video games, or going out for coffee.
Take the initiative to help with practical tasks, like washing dishes, tidying up, or running errands.
Send a heartfelt card or letter of encouragement to let them know you're thinking of them. Because sometimes the biggest acts of love and care don’t require words at all.
Ultimately, it's the thoughtfulness and sincerity behind our words and actions that makes a real difference in someone's life during challenging times. By making a little effort to offer specific forms of support and showing up for the person in meaningful ways, we can help relieve a little of the burden.
When you’re feeling low, what have people said or done for you that made a real difference for you?
- Dr. Therese 💜
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