When Loving Your Body Is Hard to Do
I remember the way I used to feel before big family gatherings, especially around the holidays.
I’d find my stomach tight with anxiety, as I braced myself for the well-meaning but completely unsolicited comments from my Titas: “You’ve gained a little, haven’t you?” or “Oh, you’ve lost weight! You look so good!” It was like my entire worth was measured by what my body looked like in that moment. It felt humiliating AND objectifying. And I know I’m not the only one who’s been there.
The reality is, our bodies change. Not just year to year but sometimes season to season. And that’s part of being human. When the colder months roll in, with their cozy sweaters, hearty comfort foods, and less sunlight, it’s easy to slip into self-judgment or worry about what others might think or say. But here’s the reminder I want you to hold on to: your worth is not defined by a number on the scale or the size of your jeans. Never has been, never will be.
So, how do we navigate self-judgment and handle those not-so-helpful comments?
1. Appreciate What Your Body Does, Not Just How It Looks
When you find yourself spiraling into self-criticism, try a little shift in perspective. Instead of focusing on how your body looks, think about what it can do. Are you walking through the autumn leaves, cozying up with a warm drink, or hugging the people you love? Your body is the reason you can enjoy all those moments. Let that sink in and be a source of celebration.
2. Plan for the Comments (Because We Know They’re Coming
If you’re worried about a well-meaning aunt or a friend making a comment, it helps to have some responses ready. You could say, “I’m choosing not to focus on my body today, but thanks for asking!” or, “I’d love to talk about something else.” Setting these gentle boundaries lets you feel in control of the conversation and reminds others that your body isn’t up for discussion.
3. Challenge Negative Self-Talk
We’re often our own toughest critics. The next time you hear that inner voice say, “Why did I eat that?” or “I shouldn’t look like this,” pause. Swap those thoughts for something kinder like, “My body is allowed to change, and that’s perfectly okay” or, “I’m choosing to enjoy this moment.” It’s not about shutting down those thoughts instantly but challenging them so they have less power over you.
4. Create Your Personal Pep Talk
Yep, I’m serious! Come up with a mantra or phrase that you can lean on when the self-doubt kicks in. Try something like, “I am so much more than what I look like” or “This season, I’m here for the memories, not the mirror.” Use it as a quick mental reset whenever you need it.
5. Start Your Own Traditions
If the typical holiday routines come with a side of stress, start some new traditions that are just for you. Whether that’s a cozy movie marathon, journaling with a cup of tea, or taking a leisurely walk through your favorite park, do what feels good. Make your own kind of holiday magic, and remember that joy comes from the moments, not from how you think you should look in them.
6. Surround Yourself with Positivity
Who and what you engage with matters more than you might think. Choose to be around people and content that lift you up. Follow body-positive accounts, engage with friends who love you for who you are, and minimize exposure to anything that makes you feel less than. The company you keep can shift your mindset in big ways.
7. Let Yourself Feel Without Judgment
There are going to be days when it’s tough. And that’s okay. Let yourself feel those emotions without adding guilt to the mix. Remind yourself: “It’s okay to have a hard day. It’s part of being human.” Self-compassion is the name of the game here.
8. Keep Your Self-Care Game Strong
Cold weather and shorter days can make anyone feel a bit blah. That’s why it’s so important to stay consistent with self-care. Whether it’s soaking in a warm bath, dancing around to your favorite playlist, or making a hearty soup from scratch, find what makes you feel nourished and go for it. Self-care isn’t just a nice-to-have; it’s a necessity.
The Takeaway: Your Body Is Allowed to Change
This holiday season, let’s give ourselves permission to show up as we are and enjoy every experience including all the tasty food. Yes, your body might change during the colder months. And yes, you might face comments or moments of self-doubt. But none of that changes your worth. Your body is allowed to evolve, and your value is constant. This year, focus on what makes you feel alive, what brings you joy, and what helps you create those special moments. You’re here to make memories, not to fit a mold. Let’s embrace that together.
BTW, my mission is help people love their lives so they never want to leave them.
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