You May Have Imposter Syndrome
Have you ever felt underqualified, ill-equipped, or unworthy of having a seat at the table?
The potentially bad news: You may have imposter syndrome. The good news: you’re not alone.
Today, I’m going to help you understand what in the world is going on when you suffer from impostor syndrome, and most importantly, we’ll talk about how to not let it hold you back from living your best life.
What Is Imposter Syndrome?
The term was coined by researchers in the 70s who were studying high achieving women.
It’s a psychological phenomenon experienced by 70% of people in at least one point in their lives.
Imposter Syndrome occurs when, despite evidence of their qualifications and competence you experience:
Feelings of inadequacy (Sounds like: ”I’m not enough”)
Feeling like a fraud; that you don’t belong (Sounds like: “I’ve deceived everyone”)
Second-guessing yourself, which can show up as 1) a lack of self-confidence, 2) doubt in your abilities, experience, education, or training, 3) dismissing your accomplishments and praise as luck, timing, or deception.
All of these thoughts lead to feelings of fear and anxiety, which can look like 1) feeling like you have something to prove 2) overcompensating for your perceived lack of qualifications 3) inaccurate comparison (when you see yourself as less compared to others, or you see others are more qualified than you) 4) perfectionism, usually demonstrated through difficulty making decisions, fear of asking for help, and a fear of asking questions.
Why Does Impostor Syndrome Happen?
Impostor syndrome can become a problem for 2 major reasons. First, it can be hard to let go of the negative thoughts we’ve repeated in our minds again and again. Repeated thoughts become strongly embedded and it can take a lot of conscious effort to unlearn the negative self-talk we’ve spent our lives believing. If you believe a lie long enough, the truth becomes harder to swallow.
Second, it’s difficult to avoid impostor syndrome when there is a lack of reference points to let you know you belong. Chances are you are more likely to feel a level of impostor syndrome if you haven’t had the privilege to witness many other people that look like you, think like you, speak like you, or come from where you come from succeeding in the role.
Impostor syndrome happens because of many reasons - the four major ones are explained below.
We believe feelings are facts.
We think that being qualified means that we should feel confident all the time. The truth is that feelings are transitory- they come and go. They can often feel like they are facts but more accurately, they are information. It’s important to treat your feelings like consultants (playing an advisory role), not CEO’s (the main decision maker).Related to #1, we think feeling insecure means that we are impostors.
Insecurity is experienced by all human beings. The power the voices of insecurity have is largely dependent on our environment and upbringing.
We live in a “success stories” culture - we often don’t see the hard work, insecurities, and failures that happened to get there. We think that having insecurities means that we don’t deserve a seat at the table. But EVERYONE at the table has insecurities too, they just aren’t usually making it known to others.Cultural marginalization contributes to feelings of impostorism.
People of color (POC) oftentimes lack seeing examples of people with whom they can identify in similar roles, and for this reason, may get the sense they have something to prove.
Michelle Obama once shared: “I still feel that at some level I have something to prove because of the color of my skin, because of the shape of my body… who knows how people are judging me.”
POC may also receive messages from the culture that suggest they are less worthy to be there.
Women of color, including black women, historically haven’t been as likely as other groups to see themselves represented in every occupation. Black women often receive direct and indirect messages that suggest they are less worthy to be where they are. Additionally, women and BIPOC often face “stereotype threat” - the risk of confirming, as a self-characteristic, a negative stereotype about one's social group (Steele & Aronson, 1995).
For example, as an Asian woman, I often felt insecure about my driving and was preoccupied with the thought that others might see me as a bad driver. So I overcompensated by trying to be a perfect driver so as to not contribute to the negative stereotype that “Asians are bad drivers.”Impostor syndrome happens to pioneers.
Impostor syndrome happens to pioneers who feel the pressure to represent. Those in uncharted territory often face added pressure to be a token representative for various groups they may identify with. For example, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O’Connor said, “My concern was whether I could do the job of a justice well enough to convince the nation that my appointment was the right move. If I stumbled badly in doing the job, I think it would have made life more difficult for women.”
Reframing Imposter Syndrome
When you feel like an impostor, I invite you to take a moment to redefine it in your mind. Instead of it being about your impostorism, redefine. Ask yourself, is it impostor syndrome, or is it:
1. A reverence and respect for the spaces we create or are invited into
2. Breaking down barriers
3. Growing expertise and experience
4. Disrupting old ways of doing things
5. Representing
6. Giving yourself a seat at the table
7. Building confidence
HOW TO HEAL:
Remember that imposter syndrome is all in your head.
I’m a cognitive-behavioral psychologist. This means that we believe that what we think influences the way we feel, and the way we feel influences the way we act. A huge part of CBT is the concept of “self-talk” - the things we say over and over again in our minds.
Impostor syndrome is having self-talk that says “I don’t belong here” “I’m not good enough” etc. etc.
Impostorism is made up mostly of what you tell yourself. To start healing, identify your self-talk and what narratives need correction. Replace unhealthy narratives with healthy ones.
-If you fail at something, remember that failure doesn’t make you an imposter. It makes you human.-Remember it’s not either/or, it’s both/and.
We often think that we can only feel one thing. I am either insecure OR I’m a leader. I’m either successful OR I’m a failure. The reality is that we are often in the middle of two seemingly opposing things:
I am feeling insecure right now, AND I am a leader.I am a success AND I have learned from my past failures.
I feel like an impostor AND I am qualified.
-Remember that everyone deserves a seat at the table. I love the way Arlan Hamilton from Backstage Capital put it: “You deserve the opportunity to fail just as much as they do.”
-Don’t be afraid of being cocky. Think of the disastrous Fyre Festival, and all of the major mistakes and billions lost by overconfident (usually white male) founders. These individuals have often been told they can do something just because they want to (and regardless of qualifications.)
-Watch out for Black and white/all-or-nothing thinking and other thought distortions. Usually when we say things like “Always” “Never” or speak in other extremes, we are operating from a place of thought distortion.
Practice receiving praise and acknowledging your accomplishments
-If you can receive criticism, then you need to be open to receiving praise.
-Surround yourself with people who reflect the best in you, but who are also willing to be honest with you. If you trust them with the criticisms, then you have to trust them with the praise, too.
-Externalize your accomplishments: Project you on someone else: Try placing your skills, knowledge, and training on another human being and seeing if THAT person is qualified to you.
-Get good mentors who can speak truth into your life when your own self-doubts are creeping in.
Beware of comparison.
Comparison emphasizes thought distortions because you never see the full picture. You’re comparing your movie to other people’s highlight reel. There’s a reason they say “Comparison is the thief of Joy.” You might also say “Comparison is the friend of Impostor Syndrome.” If you’re frequently comparing yourself to others, do the work to un-learn it!
Surround yourself with peers (this is just a good tip in LIFE)
Peers can remind you that
-You’re not crazy
-You’re not alone
-You deserve to be here
Peers can also disclose their own feelings of insecurity and self-doubt, too, which reminds us that it’s perfectly NORMAL to feel those things.Grow your CONFIDENCE
While impostor syndrome isn’t always about feeling insecure, growing your confidence can make a huge impact in reducing feelings of impostorism.
Here are 6 ideas for how to choose confidence today:
Change your self talk/mindset. (Read books, go to therapy, listen to podcasts and youtube videos on these topics!)
Decide you are the right person for the job. Don’t fire yourself. Go until you get a “no”.
Remind yourself that you have nothing to prove.
Oftentimes, the things you feel most vulnerable and insecure about end up being sources of power. Harness your perceived weaknesses and turn them into strengths.
Don’t make yourself small - we don’t do the world any favors when we make ourselves small.
The quickest way to be confident is to do what makes you uncomfortable. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
We all have an inner critic and an inner cheerleader and you’ll become the one to whom you give the most attention.
In summary:
Let’s see impostor syndrome for what it really is. It’s not about what you lack, but what is lacking without you.
Feeling insecure doesn’t make you unqualified, it makes you human.
Remember the importance of both/and instead of either/or.
Pioneers tend to suffer from impostor syndrome.
Surrounding yourself with peers you can be vulnerable with is essential.
We don’t do the world any favors when we make ourselves small.
Real impostors don’t feel impostor syndrome. Don’t fire yourself. Go until you get a no.
Confidence is being able to trust in yourself, from a place of self-awareness and purpose.
The quickest way to build confidence is through discomfort. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Confidence is a choice. You can feed your inner critic or your inner cheerleader and the choice is yours.
So if you have felt like an impostor before, welcome to the club!
Now let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work.
PS- be sure to check out my YouTube video on Impostor Syndrome if you haven’t already.
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